Everybody Else’s Resolutions

I forgot how much the population of the gym at work explodes every January. Last night I had a hawk-eyed older woman breathing down my neck while I signed up for my slot at the elliptical machines every night but Thursday (Sk8 Nite!). I couldn’t write fast enough. And then she whispered to her buddy that showed up later (I can SEE you pointing at me; every other wall in here is covered in MIRRORS) and shared the other elliptical with her.

I was actually AFRAID to get off and do some weights (like I’ve been doing) for fear that I’d have to resort to fisticuffs to regain my machine. As it was, the five treadmills and two ellipticals (counting mine) and every other exercise bike were occupied come 5:00, as well as the ten or so people milling about the freeweights and weight machines.

I am ALL FOR the general wellness of the population and my co-workers. But we long-term crazies know who you fairweather folks are, and we’ve got you pegged. You better be nice to us…or we’ll all bring out iPods and change the sattelite radio station to ALL COUNTRY.

I’ll be watching you.
I can’t HELP but watch you.
Every other wall is covered in mirrors.

By June, I’m going to look like this. Only with better hair. And fewer drugs.