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Enchanted - by Alethea Kontis - available May 8, 2012. Pre-order now.
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Princess Me-a

Bar names are OUT.
Starbucks names are IN.

You know what I mean. The barrista chipperly asks for your name when you’re the only customer in the whole place, apart from the guy on the laptop and the guy reading the Wall Street Journal, both of whom are starting to collect dust. So who am I going to be today? "Princess Leia," I said to her. She giggled, and turned to her coworkers, laughing about how honored she was to be serving royalty as she scribbled the name onto the clear plastic cup.

"Grande Pumpkin Spice Frappucino blended coffee for Princess Leia," she announed five minutes later. (How long do you think it will be before we have barrista droids?) I picked up my beverage, brimming over with yummy cinnamon-sprinkled whip cream, and thanked her with a smile. As I walked to my car I looked down and realized…I am a geek. Not only that, I am apparently an OLD geek.


"Laya"? Isn’t that like misspelling "Jesus"?

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Sk8er Girl


Lee on Wheels

I was thirteen the last time I went roller skating. It was the summer before high school. My self-esteem was so low that I forced my parents to sign me up for summer school gym, so that I wouldn’t be forced to get undressed and shower in front of other girls like we were supposed to do in middle school. (I never showered; I just washed my hair in the sink. They ribbed me enough about that, I assure you.) School wasn’t the hard part; my parents often enrolled me in summer classes in lieu of camp, and I was happier for it. The hard part was Boot Camp. One credit’s worth of gym taken all at once boils down to four hours a day, five days a week, for six weeks. In the summer. In the South Carolina summer. I might have benefitted more from a trip to the psychologist. 

We all had blisters, we all smelled like Ben-Gay, and we all hobbled like arthritic grannies when we weren’t being chased around the track or dodging the volleyball/softball/dodgeball, or lifting weights. (I actually liked lifting weights, but I still couldn’t do a pull-up to save my life. Still can’t.) One of our grand field trips was to the skating rink. We were all so excited to be out of the heat–we looked forward to it for weeks. The fateful day finally arrived…but where was the bus? Oh, no, Grasshopper. Here in summer school PE, we *walk* to the skating rink. 

Some kids were so tired by the time we arrived, they barely skated at all. Me? I loved skating. The music, the wind in my hair, the wooden rink flying beneath me… I had loved ice skating in Vermont, and this was the closest I could get to it. I could skate for hours. And I did. And then we walked back. Those were the worst blisters I’ve ever had in my whole life. I remember it like it was yesterday. 

But it wasn’t yesterday; it was nineteen years ago. Still, I can see that chubby girl flying around the rink, ponytail streaming behind her, lost in her dreams and the music, and wishing that someday she’d have someone to slow skate with. (Things haven’t changed much.) And they’re still there too: that willowy girl who floats effortlessly across the floor, the guy who dances like he was born on wheels, the younger kids whose skates hit the floor like parades of elephants and who fall down all around you, and the DJ who won’t play anything but crappy Top 40 hits.

Last night I accepted that I was going to suck right out of the gate, so I took it slow. I only fell once. Kitti and Jenny were very supportive — they only started again just last week themselves. I took breaks when I got too hot, and I quit when my knee got wobbly. It’s still a bit wobbly today, but that’s okay. I have a small blister on my heel (two pairs of socks next time; those damn skates have no insole at all), but that’s okay. I’m not hurting yet, but I probably will be, so I took some Tylenol this morning just in case. I’m older now, and I’m smart enough to do this right.

But I’m still allowed my delusions of grandeur. You bet your bippy I’m going to be there next Thursday. Roller Derby, here I come.

Hungry  Jenny raids the concession stand. Mmm…pickles

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It’s Not Rocket Science

For everybody except the 38 people who’ve found me there in the last 24 hours: yes. I am now officially on Twitter.

I flirted with the username UnicornPrincess, but figured it would probably be best to just use plain old AletheaKontis. Plus, you know, people might actually be able to find me.

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Genre Chick Interview: Ann & Jeff Vandermeer

Two for the price of one! This month, Genre Chick Alethea Kontis sits down with dynamic publishing duo Ann and Jeff Vandermeer. Ann is the fiction editor for Weird Tales magazine; her husband Jeff is an award-winning author. Together they often join forces and co-edit some out-of-this-world anthologies. 

*************************

Alethea Kontis: What are the biggest challenges of working on these projects as a husband-and-wife team? Who gets the final say? Do you arm wrestle for it?

JEFF: That’s a tough one. I love working with Ann, and I feel we have different strengths and weaknesses, which makes us a great team. I don’t think either of us has final say. If one of us feels very strongly about something, the other will usually defer–or if they feel equally strongly, the deferring may be done by the other party!

ANN: We have a great deal of respect for each other’s talents.  That’s what makes it work so well.  In all the years that we’ve been working together I can count the number of our blow-ups on one hand and still have fingers left over.

Alethea: How do you choose stories for your anthologies?

JEFF: I believe strongly that an anthology should have a core mission statement, and that you should strive to maintain that focus throughout, and then find creative ways to organize the material. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. But a lot of antho editors are more like caretakers–they shepherd the material through the process, but they don’t think about it in a proactive sense. And I believe our alternative approach is in large part why anthos like The New Weird and Steampunk have been so successful.  The challenge there, of course, was to create anthos for general readers that could also be used by academia, and the idea of structure was even more important.

ANN: Each anthology requires something different.  Before we make any decisions (including whether or not to even do a specific anthology) we have a lot of discussion up front.   We bounce ideas off each other to see what makes sense.  And we get a lot of our ideas while out hiking together (seems to clear our heads) so we make sure to always carry paper and pen.

Alethea: How is working with the small press market different from publishing with the Big Six (Jeff), or magazines (Ann)?

JEFF: I don’t personally see much difference, since most of our indie publishers have very good distribution to and communication with the chains, although I would say that Tachyon Publications has been a joy to work with. But, then, Bantam was great on the fake disease guide, too. We try to cut down on the variables associated with publication in either context by having our own procedures in place and being very aggressive in our PR. The thing is, when you edit an anthology it’s like you’re the captain of a ship full of people in the form of stories. You want to get them all safely to their destination. You want the boat to be sea-worthy for their sake. Every publisher, large or small, is going to have quirks, too, so you just try to figure out (1) how does this publisher best communicate (email, IM, phone, etc.) (2) how do their processes differ from the norm and (3) who are the stakeholders at the publisher helping you achieve your goals. The other fact is, some projects are more commercial than others–and some become more commercial. The fake disease guide was rejected by all of the big publishers, was taken on by Night Shade in hardcover, was a huge success, and then was picked up by Bantam.

ANN: There are pros and cons for each. Sometimes you will get more individualized attention with an independent press and usually the larger publishers have more resources at their disposal, but that isn’t always the case.   We’ve had the good fortune to work with a lot of passionate people in both large and small publishing companies.  It’s really the passion for the project that makes the difference.

Alethea: It’s been said that anthologies perform better in the small press market. Have you found this to be true?

JEFF: I don’t think that’s necessarily true, although the numbers on the Steampunk antho in particular are really strong. The antho would have done as well from a large publisher, but the fact is Tachyon had the foresight to come up with the project and ask us to edit it. In general, publishing anthologies is a risk. So many variables come into play. But it’s more of a risk for the publisher and editor at the publishing house than for us, and we try to keep that in mind–keep the publisher’s risk in mind. Because, in general, if an anthology tanks it doesn’t affect my ability to sell a novel, but it might affect a publisher’s ability to buy more anthologies. One thing that is true–an indie press will sometimes need to sell fewer copies to consider a book a success.

ANN: It all depends on the anthology.  In general an independent press may be more willing to take a chance.

Alethea: Describe the New Weird subgenre in 25 words or less.

JEFF: Well, this is more than 25 words, but it’s the definition in the anthology. Although New Weird got great reviews generally, I was irked by some reviewers who claimed the antho did not define New Weird. Well, it did, right in the introduction, with plenty of proof and context:

“New Weird is a type of urban, secondary-world fiction that subverts the romanticized ideas about place found in traditional fantasy, largely by choosing realistic, complex real-world models as the jumping off point for creation of settings that may combine elements of both science fiction and fantasy. New Weird has a visceral, in-the-moment quality that often uses elements of surreal or transgressive horror for its tone, style, and effects– in combination with the stimulus of influence from New Wave writers or their proxies (including also such forebears as Mervyn Peake and the French/English Decadents). New Weird fictions are acutely aware of the modern world, even if in disguise, but not always overtly political.  As part of this awareness of the modern world, New Weird relies for its visionary power on a “surrender to the weird” that isn’t, for example, hermetically sealed in a haunted house on the moors or in a cave in Antarctica. The “surrender” (or “belief”) of the writer can take many forms, some of them even involving the use of postmodern techniques that do not undermine the surface reality of the text.”

ANN: I couldn’t have said it better!

Alethea: The SF world seems to be having a Steampunk Renaissance. Why do you think that is? What’s so cool about steampunk?

JEFF: It’s really the ultimate effect of a steampunk subculture that has been simmering beneath the surface for a long time. Really classic steampunk is about a few things: the rise of the inventor or scientist as hero, the use of retro-technology (think, alternate history: technologies, like airships, that once seemed poised to be dominant), and then the introduction of irony to the idea of scientist as hero, in showing how unquestioning use of technology leads to disaster. But, at base, for more people, in pop culture, it’s almost more a “look” than a definition. A kind of style in a book or movie, often involving airships. Much of the steampunk I read is dealing with tough issues when it comes to technology and its uses. It is true, though, that steampunk does also allow for “comedies of manners” with pseudo-Victorian trappings, which are just meant as fun adventure romps. So perhaps the diversity.

ANN: Technology today typically removes us from the direct connection to our efforts, our work.  The Steampunk culture is all about the DIY experience: making something with your own hands, so to speak.  I think many people find that attractive and that is why its become so popular.

Alethea: What’s the most interesting place you’ve ever visited?

JEFF: The first night in Prague was special–we just walked around with our mouths open, amazed, and I kept thinking, “My whole life I’ve been writing about this place and didn’t know it.” Or deep down the Danube, in Romania, traveling by canoe with outboard motor. Hiking in British Columbia. We’ve been blessed that our editing and writing have taken us so many cool places.

ANN: He’s stolen all of my thunder! But seriously, the first night we spent in Cairns, Australia, where you go out and the stars in the sky are so different and the breeze is different and suddenly through the branches huge fruit bats fly by…I’ll never forget that.  In addition, my first snorkeling trip in the Great Barrier Reef.  Once I got the hang of the snorkel, I was hooked.  I’ve also had some amazing experiences in Israel.  And we have a tendency to find something wonderful in any place we’ve visited.

Alethea: Do either of you know how to sail?

JEFF: I know how to capsize a canoe. When I was at the Clarion Writers Workshop in the 1990s, some of us decided to go out canoeing in the middle of a thunderstorm. It was fine on the way out, but coming back, with the current, we all went overboard and were only saved by one of our number who was an alternate on the Canadian swim team. So, in a word, no. But I have read all of the Patrick O’Brian novels…

ANN: No, but I can water ski!  And I am pretty good in a canoe.

Alethea: With regards to the upcoming Nightshade Books anthology Fast Ships, Black Sails: Do you or do you not Talk Like a Pirate on September 19th?

JEFF: Every day is talk like a pirate day.

ANN: And our cats even have their very own eye patches, but they’d much rather have a parrot!

Alethea: What projects are you both working on next?

JEFF: I’m in the middle of my novel Finch, a noir mystery set in my fantastical setting of Ambergris. Right now, I’m figuring out the blocking on a ten-thousand-word chase scene set amid three hundred bobbing, lashed-together boats. And my Predator tie-in novel comes out from Dark Horse in a month or so.

ANN: I just turned in the International Issue of Weird Tales.  It has stories from writers all over the world including Slovakia, Serbia, Spain, The Philippines, Israel and Belgium.   I am finalizing the PR campaigns for the Fast Ships, Black Sails (Nightshade, Nov 2008) and Best American Fantasy Vol II (prime, Nov 2008).  I also just turned in the Best of Michael Moorcock short story collection (Tachyon, May 2009).  Also upcoming next year, The Leonardo Variations (a charity anthology for Clarion) and Last Drink Bird Head (a charity anthology for literacy).  And let’s not forget Evil Monkey’s Guide to Kosher Imaginary Animals (Tachyon, Nov 2009) just in time for the holidays next year.

Alethea: If you could be any superhero, who would you be and why?

JEFF: I’m so sick of superheroes, I’d probably sign up to be one of the superhero fighters in that comic The Boys. I did like the Batman movie, though.

ANN: I’ve always loved Batman because he’s the only one who is a real person.   All the others have some kind of super power.  He only had his natural born abilities (plus a lot of really cool toys and gadgets, I might add).

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Good Morning, Moon

Gorgeous view on the way into work.
A giant moon like this always reminds me of Joe Vs. The Volcano.

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Hail to the Princess

I saw this onpapillon_enrage ’s LJ this morning and couldn’t leave for work without chiming in. 

When you see this, post in your own journal with your favorite quote from The Princess Bride. Preferably not "As you wish" or the Inigo Montoya speech.

My favorite quote from The Princess Bride is not actually in the movie — it’s in the book:

"Rest then," her mother cautioned. "Terrible things can happen when you’re overtired. I was overtired the night your father proposed."

While I had the book out, I re-read Buttercup’s speech on Wesley’s front porch. *sigh* I dare any teenager who thinks Twilight is the most romantic book ever to read Chapter One — just Chapter One — of The Princess Bride.

I’m sure there have been many great, romantic books since 1642 BC.
This one leaves them all behind. 

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Sweet Sixteen


You know, Once Upon a Time, there were actually things people didn’t know about me. Now, my life’s an open book – literally. But talented photographress Michelle Pendergrass tagged me on her blog last week, and this week I really the break, so here you go. (Yes. I realize it’s only Tuesday and I’m already needing a break. Means things can only look up…)

Sixteen Things About M
e
:

1.) My grandfather was a Greek pirate during WWII.

2.) My little sister had a necklace featured in Vogue magazine.



3.) We once had a rare flying dinosaur parked in our driveway overnight. (Storrs slept inside.)

4.) I was once slapped by Kevin J. Anderson for talking smack about my own writing.

5.) I was a substitute teacher for one day at Daniel McKee Alternative School. I had a great time.

6.) Malik Yoba swore he met me before. It really bothered him. I’m pretty sure I would have remembered.



7.) I knew algebra before I knew how to multiply two 2-digit numbers. (My Aunt Theda taught me on a napkin at a very boring dinner where I was not allowed to read.)

8.) I once pinched my little sister backstage at a performance of Showboat; the resulting tears became the subject of an award-winning photograph.

9.) My first best friend was the tree closest to the road at 700 Spear Street, South Burlington, VT.

10.) My godfather’s face is immortalized on the cover of Phish’s fifth album, "A Picture of Nectar."

11.) In gymnastics, my forte was the balance beam. (Bonus: I can still do a cartwheel in a straight line. I can no longer execute a back walkover.)

12.) I saw Tori Amos perform at Madison Square Garden, and offered Sarah McLachlan our extra second-row ticket.

13.) My cell phone does not flip, take photos, or surf the internet.

14.) I was baptized by a Greek Priest who is now the current Metropolitan of Atlanta (Alexios). My baptismal gifts were pink porcelain roses with a pewter stem.

15.) I am allergic to aloe.

16.) I saw Andrew Smith put French fries on his hamburger in the fourth grade, and I have done so myself ever since.


You are now free to go forth and update my Wikipedia entry.)

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Signing, Bay-bee!

Some of you may have not gotten the word yet that I won’t be at K-Con in New Orleans this weekend. (Um…well, now you have.)
BUT, I will be doing a local signing (I know, they’re rare…) at Sherlock’s Books (support your local Independent Bookstore!) on Saturday, November 8th. I’ll have some Beauty & Dynamite on hand (and I’ll see if I can’t sweet-talk Jason into letting me run a con-type special on them).

See you there!

NOV 8,1-5 PM
Lebanon, TN
Booksigning
Sherlock’s Books
200 Maddox-Simpson Parkway
Lebanon, Tennessee 37090
615-449-9807
(Across From Middle TN Electric)

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Sunrise on Legislative Plaza


Set-up morning, Southern Festival of Books
Friday, October 10th

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The Doom of Donnie G


Last night, in celebration of my anniversary of being princessly fabulous and oh-thank-god single, my girlfriends and I went to see the tragilariously appropriate dress rehearsal of the Nashville Opera’s Don Giovanni. (The Ingrams are very big patrons of the arts, and sometimes tickets to such events fall from the drop-ceiling-sky like pink autumn leaves from drought-stricken trees.)

Lillie and I dressed down from our normal exotic con-wear, meaning we were still far too cute, long-haired, and buxom for the very sketchy part of town we had to walk through to get to TPAC’s Jackson Hall. (I’m sure Squire Lillie’s SCA bruises also did not add to our credibility as women who made their money behind a desk instead of leaning through car windows…hey baby, wanna buy a book?)

I’ve never been to TPAC before, or an opera, or a dress rehearsal of a performance of such caliber, so things were new to me all around — an adventure! You know how much I love those. And we had a blast! True to form, I’d like to share with you some of the things I learned last night.

* Seats at a dress rehearsal are first-come, first-served. ROCK ON. People have to pay serious cashola to sit within spitball distance of the orchestra pit. Lillie and I, half an hour early, skipped straight up to the fifth row and plunked down slightly stage-left (there was a group who had commandeered the four seats directly center stage). It was the closest to the middle we could get, as a bunch of rows had been roped off for the sound and camera guys.

* Snobby rich white girls have no inside voice. Yes, I did hear the snark when you finally came back to the seat your lackey friend had saved for you. Open seating means open seating. If you’re that worried about your boyfriend rubbing elbows with two brunettes with cleavage, that’s your problem. Voicing it only makes us pity you. And giggle.

*Yes, Virginia, that is the national anthem. Stand up and sing. And feel free to sing with your company voice, since you’re at the opera. No matter how well you belt it out, everyone on stage can put you to shame with their pinky finger. That’s right, girlie, your boyfriend is rubbing elbows with a buxom brunette soprano. Suck it up; there will be more on stage later to remind you of your limpy, dishwater inadequacies.

* It’s all about subtitles. Shortly after we sat down, I voraciously read the Cliff Notes program synopsis of the opera so I wouldn’t be completely lost through the whole thing. I love other languages, and I think opera is gorgeous, but it does bother me when there’s a story being played out in front of me and I can’t quite grasp what’s going ont. Welcome to the 21st century! Operas now have subtitles projected on the curtain above the action. Brilliant! It wasn’t a true word-for-word translation (and was sometimes laugh-out-loud funny), but we got the general gist of what all the breast-beating and supplicating arms were all about.

*You can’t save the world from an evil man. He’ll reap what he sows, and the Devil will bring him back into the fold. His worst enemy is inevitably himself. In the main, the opera wasn’t as much about Don Giovanni as it was about all the people whose lives he affected. Donna Elvira isn’t on stage for two minutes before I was thinking, "Oh honey, he’s not worth it. Just move on and forget about him. Life’s too short. You’ll be so much better off, trust me. Now, that is a gorgeous pink dress. You’re about my size…could I try it on?"


Elizabeth Caballero sings Donna Elvira

* You can string a man along forever if you keep threatening to die. This lesson came courtesy of Donna Anna, so distraught over the death of her father that she "was going to die" over and over again until Ottavio swore he’d do whatever she wanted him to do. Good to know the old "victim strategy" is at least as old as 1787.

* As long as you constantly swear to get vengeance on someone, you don’t actually have to do anything about it. Don Ottavio remained steadfast, chivalrous, and gallant throughout the whole play without having to lift a finger. (And during his big tenor solo there was a strange moment when I swear he suddenly transformed into John Scalzi…but I digress.)

* Don’t invite masked strangers to a party. You know, I can’t imagine this being a good idea ever. I can see a buddy of Mozart’s reading over his shoulder, sucking air through his teeth, and saying, "Really, Wolfy? You don’t think that’s a wee bit of a stretch?"

Grand Master Wolfy M.

* You can take the man out of the mortal plane, but you can’t take the mortal plane out of the man. And apparently, they wear white leisure suits in Hell. But for an explanation of that one, you’re just going to have to see a performance for yourself.  

 

 

 

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